Final day in Hollywood and Fort Lauderdale

Wednesday 11 March
Desoto Ocean View Inn

I've been expecting various packages to be couriered over with maps and other information, but still not a sausage.
But Steve at the Desoto has taken charge of things and, in the absence of any information from the Hollywood Tourism people, has sorted out a few things. He appears at my door just as I am finishing off breakfast, saying he is going to Fort Lauderdale to pick up some maps and other information from the tourist office and will be back in about 30 minutes.
But, after the frustrations of yesterday, I am anxious to get as much out of the day as I possibly can and set off shortly afterwards by car to find the Greater Fort Lauderdale Convention and Visitors Bureau.
I was last in Fort Lauderdale with the Navy over 30 years ago and, to be frank, I don't recognise a thing. I'm impressed with the centre though. Some really good modern architecture and nice, wide, boulevards. Not so impressive, really, is the driving. It's probably the first time in a month that I am driving through a town centre on my own. It's mad, completely mad. I can't get over how they switch lanes with no warning at all, with a mobile phone clamped to one ear and a coffee mug or soft drink in the other hand. Completely bonkers! Mind you, I once passed an American driving test which involved me driving round one block, parking back in the space I had left and showing the examiner where the lights and indicators were. While she was testing me, she was also assessing a motorcyclist behind. So if that is the standard of the test, it's no wonder they drive so badly.
Finding the office is easy and I am greeted by Kim Canter, the Visitor Bureau's Public Relations Coordinator. She appears somewhat bemused that her colleagues in Hollywood have not been in touch before they left town. But she clearly knows her craft and I am provided with the wherewithal to get around.
I stop off at the local Borders Bookshop to buy a few CD's, including that of the Public Television Concert I have been watching over the past three nights. I always love visiting Borders, what they do, they do wonderfully well. They all have coffee shops, but this one has a terrace overlooking a pretty canal as well as its' own butterfly garden. How cool is that?
There's a bit of a flood in the gents and I am impressed at the speed at which the radio-connected assistant at the coffee shop summonses assistance and someone is there within minutes to sort out the problem.
I skim through the wealth of information I have just picked up and make a plan of action for my day.
First port of call is to the Bonnet House Museum and Gardens. This is a very stylish property built between 1920 and 1940 for Frederick Clay Bartlett, an artist from Chicago. I can't stay long, with all the delays of yesterday, I need to try and get round a few things to get an impression of the city.
The lady at the cash desk is not entirely sure what to do with the VIP Visitor Pass that Kim has provided, but when I explain my mission, attaches a blue wristband to me and introduces me to volunteer Lynda Stackhouse. Lynda is great. She gives me a self-guided tour, tells me the best bits to see and sets me off on my way.
The 35 acres of grounds are gorgeous and there's a lot to see. Although we are right beside the busy waterfront road, the gardens are just a delight.
My self-guided tour propels me towards the house itself and I walk through an open gate into an utterly charming courtyard. At which point I am challenged, somewhat brusquely, by a man, whose badge announces him to be Paul Powell, volunteer. I am asked what I am doing. I explain, only to be told that I have the wrong wristband to be allowed to take photos of the courtyard. I need to be escorted, which will take 90 minutes and will not start for nearly an hour. I have been given the name of the curator, Stephen Draft, who duly arrives. But Stephen is totally unimpressed with my VIP Visitor card and my request to visit a couple of rooms. 'It's a tour or nothing, no photography allowed. That's the way we have always done things'.
He does, however, tell me that the best view of the house is to be had from the beachfront side and I walk around to get the one shot I need.
But the view is completely spoilt by a ghastly tent in front of the house, presumably for weddings and suchlike. Classic picture opportunity, this is not.
I'm hugely disappointed. There doesn't seem to be a lot of 'Hidden Florida' around and Bonnet House had the possibility of becoming the centrepiece of my feature of the area. Maybe I'll send them one of my 'Handling the Media' leaflets. Their inflexible and obstructive attitude reminds me so much how British Business dealt with the media during industrial disputes in the 1970's
At the gate, the ever-friendly Lynda is helping someone move a lady in a wheelchair into a car. It's quite a strange situation, almost as if the woman has never done this before. The poor soul in the wheelchair is slumped and uncommunicative. I feel very sorry for her.
I ask Lynda where to go for a bite of lunch and she advises a place called 'California Burgers and Shakes', just a few blocks away.
I'm just completing my order when the wheelchair-bound lady appears with not one, but two helpers. They've obviously overheard my conversation with Lynda and followed me here. But the previously slumped and uncommunicative wheelchair-bound woman is now totally compus mentis. Very odd.
Rob and Brian have been running their business, 'across from the Galleria Mall at the 7-11 plaza' for six months and their formula clearly works. Tall and friendly Brian seems to be the front of house man, while the quieter Rob beavers away flaming the burgers and making the shakes. With the exception of places like Zaks, we don't generally have a good reputation for burgers in the UK, so this is only the second one I have had in almost a month in Florida.
But this is sensational. It actually tastes like real meat and I am assured that it is. Great recommendation and I look forward to seeing a whole chain of them in a few years. But their graphic designer is dyslexic. The card says they are ARCOSS from the Galleria Mall'.
Fort Lauderdale is very much a city on the water, with the Intracoastal waterway, rivers and canals, as well as the sea. So much so, that the marketing people promote the 'Venice of America'. For sure, they have not been to Venice, because apart from the water, I can see no similarities at all. Apart from anything, when it's hot the canals in Venice stink and these do not. But it's a really nice way to get around.
We are told that 'Crew members are permitted to accept gratuities'. I hope that nobody from National Express takes the culture back home. Imagine!
I hoped to fit the Stranahan House Museum into my day, but time is short and my 'Never Lost' can't seem to locate 335 SE 6th Avenue. But, in any case, rush hour is building and I need to get back to do my online check in for my flight back to London and to grab the best available seat. Back at the inn, the information from Hollywood Tourism has arrived.
There's a superb full moon shining brightly across the Atlantic Ocean just a few steps from my room at the Desoto Oceanview Inn. I clamber up the ramp to the lifeguard hut to set up my little tripod to take some pictures. Three local youngsters are already there and, in the way of the confidence inbred in most young Americans are soon chatting away. Rafael is studying to be a paramedic, Samantha to be a veterinary assistant, while Sarah is still at school. In four weeks, I have only met four 'indiginous Floridians'. Now, I have numbers 5, 6 and 7!
Steve is tied up with some family business, so Josias kindly agrees to join me for my 'last supper'. W have a couple of places we thought we'd like to try. First port of call is Morton's, a nationwide chain. We decline the 'valet parking' and I am asked to give my name so it can be entered into a computer at the front desk
This is apparently so our server can be very polite and call the guest by their proper name. Unfortunately, he assumes Josias is me, which rather defeats the object. He brings a wine list, then suggests some cocktails we might enjoy. If the computer is psychic, it's clearly broken, because Bombay Sapphire and tonic is not mentioned.
It's at the point we ask for the menu, to be told that there are none, but instead we will be given a 'verbal presentation'. Josias looks at me and I at him and we decide it's all too much. We just want a decent steak, not all this pretentious nonsense.
J. Alexander's looks much more like the thing. Apart from six serving staff appearing to be having a noisy staff meeting immediately behind our table and who seem unimpressed at us asking them to move, the meal and service is excellent.
There's an unusual, but tasty, combo of spinach and cheese and spicy 'Pico de gallo', dips with tortilla chips, a truly excellent Caesar salad and the best New York strip steak I have had in a month's trip.
My bed is like a packing station, so there's a fair bit of sorting to do to clamber into it. I barely hear the headlines of today's BBC News pod, before I am fast asleep.